Recently I’ve been reading Brene Brown and one quote stood out to me as particularly profound – “If you can’t ask for help without self-judgment, you cannot offer help without judging others.” This resonated with me on a spiritual level. I view myself of someone who offers help freely and often, without judgment. However, I have trouble asking for and accepting the help of others.
Somewhere in my life I learned that asking for help showed weakness. I should be able to solve my problems on my own and conquer whatever challenges life has thrown my way. This mindset made me determined, ambitious, and sometimes cold. I prided myself of someone who offered help to those who asked or those I thought needed it. While I espoused that I was doing it to give back and just being a good person, that was a lie. I did it because it allowed me to take control of a situation to be the savior. I’ve also realized that
As I’ve been in recovery, I’ve realized a few things:
- It’s okay to ask for help. It does not mean that I’m weak, it means that I have assessed the situation and realized that I don’t have the necessary tools to solve my problem
- Offering help isn’t about me, it’s about being of service. If I go into situations expecting to save someone or being recognized my intentions aren’t pure.
- Not everyone wants or needs my help. I can offer, but need to respect the boundaries.
This week, I have had some car issues that have caused me to need to ask for help with rides to work and meetings. Initially this brought up shame, however, once I sat in the feeling for a while and prayed about it, I was able to ask for help and received more than I expected. Instead of just getting rides, a friend of mine let me borrow one of their cars. If I trust the process and ask for what I need, my needs will be met.
I’m learning to ask for help without self-judgment so I can offer help without judgment.