My life used to be filled with something every moment I was awake – I would got to work, have a meeting, go to some kind of sports related activity or out with friends. Even when I first got sober, I still kept a full schedule of activities and events. Comparatively, today my life is pretty basic – I go to work, maybe to a meeting, and then home to watch tv until it’s time for bed. I still occasionally have a sports related event or hang out with friends, but it occurs maybe once a week, not everyday like I was used to.
Lately the way I spend my time now has been weighing on me and I feel my life has become dull compared to watch it used to be. I find myself glamorizing and romanticizing being constantly busy, forgetting that I was stressed out and tired constantly. As I spend some time thinking about what it was really like, I realize that I was so busy because I couldn’t stand being alone without anything to distract me from my thoughts and feelings. I didn’t want to deal with the things in my life (sober or not).
Putting that into perspective has helped me realize that my life isn’t dull today, it’s simple. I’m not used to simple – my nature it to complicate things as much as possible (especially my life). I’m starting to wrestle with the idea that a simple life isn’t bad and it doesn’t mean it’s empty. But it also doesn’t mean it’s full.
I needed my life to be simple for a bit while I figured out who I was as a sober individual who wasn’t heavily invested and involved in any organization. I’ve started that journey and think I’m in a place now where I can start to add things back into my life, such as my consulting business, and causes that I’m passionate about. I’m striving for a balance – a simple, but full life.